darkest hour

i believe i had my darkest moment a few days ago. im still not completely sure im ready to talk about it but maybe if i write it out and get it off my chest it will help. have you ever had a moment where you just could get up? your arms felt like they weighed 500 pounds and like your legs had giant bricks tied to them, where you didnt even care if no one ever found you, no one ever called? thats exactly how i felt. and in those moments i felt myself thinking about where my life has gone. where have i gone? ive been so caught up in this blissful thought of being in love with someone that in doing so, i have let everything else that used to matter to me fade away...stupid? yes. i know. and if i were looking at myself from the outside i would call myself pathetic. low. stupid. nieve. but when your living it....feeling it.. its not stupid. its not pathetic. its real. and everything you feel is real. it doesnt matter if the person isnt the right one for you because you dont care. because your living the dream. your in love. you have someone to call yours. and you take shelter and comfort in that. i feel like being in love has been my security blanket, and the thought of being without it is the scariest thing i think i could think of. it would be like being shoved out in front of 80 million people, all the lights cut out and there is a single spot light on you. everyone is watching to see what you do next. what is the poor single girl going to do without her boyfriend?

the funny thing is...i dug myself into a hole. a hole where i felt like i could never climb out. so i gave up and just layed there. and the only person who could pull me out was the person ive been in love with for three years. and he did. one moment i was laying on the bed feeling like i could never get up and the next he walks in sweeps me off my feet and gives me the strength i thought i didnt have. everyday he shows me something new about myself that i didnt even think about. cheesy? corney? yes. over- exaggerated? no.

i believe the biggest challenge about love is that you have to be able to give your whole heart to someone but still keep your identity as a individual. and when you loose your individuality then you loose everything.